The Mighty Boosh
Series 3
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 1: Eels
Naboo and Bollo go away to Dennis the Head Shaman’s stag party, leaving Howard and Vince in charge of Nabootique. The two challenge one another to a sales contest, each trying to sell their latest fads; Elbow Patches and The Indie Celebrity Radar, respectively. Later, while Vince is out to tag Pete Neon for his Celebradar, Howard is paid a visit by The Hitcher, who frightens Howard with eels into a protection racket. Howard proceeds to prostitute himself to a transvestite called Eleanor for the required €1,000, but when the Hitcher comes to collect the money, he decides to kill Vince and Howard anyway. Before being able to do so, he is shot by Eleanor. The Hitcher awakens, having been saved by the Survival Elbow Patch he had stolen from Howard earlier. Feeling dejected, he turns to leave, before being stopped by Vince and Howard, who convince him to perform a song about eels with them in the New Rave style.
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 1: Quotes
Eleanor:I'm a woman in the prime of her life that needs love squeezins!
Eleanor:Turn me into a mess machine!
Eleanor:Harold, my sweet piece of love nipple!
Eleanor:I have a love shack in Acapulco where you can mess me up fun time!
The Hitcher:Who's this yer wife? Looks like a geezer in a dress!
The Cockney/Hitcher: Elements of the past and the future combining to create something not quite as good as either.
The Cockney/Hitcher: Did you see Elsie, boy? Did you dance with her?
Howard: No, I didn't.
The Cockney/Hitcher: 'Course you did. We all did.
Howard: Hi Neville.
Vince: (pretending to be Neville) Hey!
Howard: How's the wife?
Vince: Not great, she's got a bit of...(Husky moan)
Howard: What's wrong with my eyes?
Vince: There's nothing really wrong with them, it's just they're not a mans, eyes are they? They're more of a cockerel's eyes embedded in a mans face.
Howard: They're small, yes, but they are powerful.
Tony Harrison: Liquid breakfast. I've had champagne on my Golden Grahams.
Bollo: No smoke without fire.
Howard: Why does everyone keep saying that? What about smoke machines?
Bollo: Dry ice.
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 2: Journey to the Centre of the Punk
Howard acquires a rare Jazz record (“Voodoo Scat” by Howlin' Jimmy Jefferson) which Vince, now a punk, bites in to, submitting to peer pressure from his new punk bandmates. It transpires that “Voodoo Scat” was made with a drop of Howlin' Jimmy Jefferson's blood, infecting Vince's blood stream with a corruptive rogue Jazz cell, causing him to embarrass his bandmates by scat singing at their gig in the Velvet Onion, which causes a riot. Vince is rushed back to the Nabootique, delirious, as the Jazz cell begins killing his cells. To save him, Naboo shrinks Howard and his blind friend Lester Corncrake down to microscopic size and injects them into Vince’s body to kill the invasive cell. Howard eventually succeeds in reaching the brain, where the Jazz cell begins to chase him. Howard and Lester catch it, and regrow to normal size. The Jazz cell is now also normal size, but is defeated by Lester, whom stabs him with Sid Vicious' safety pin, causing him to run away crying.
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 3: The Power of the Crimp
Vince arrives at work late, depressed and distraught that a copycat named Lance Dior is stealing his style. Howard attempts to cheer him up by showing him Gary Numan and by telling him its what's inside that counts. Howard quickly abandons this philosophy when he has his style stolen by Lance Dior's partner, Harold Boom, who together become The Flighty Zeus. As The Flighty Zeus become increasingly more popular, The Mighty Boosh become increasingly dejected, feeling the Zeus are always one step ahead of them. The Boosh almost give up, before having the idea of premiering their music invention, crimping, at a gig at The Velvet Onion. They arrive to find The Flighty Zeus plagiarising an earlier crimp of theirs. The Boosh challenge the Zeus to a crimp-off, eventually winning by way of a four-way crimp, involving Howard, Vince, Naboo, and Bollo. This is only the episode to date where a character has referred to Vince and Howard as “The Boosh.” After their performance at the Velvet Onion, Bob Fossil states "The Boosh have really lost it."
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 4: The Strange Tale of the Crack Fox
Howard departs to a jazzercise class, leaving Vince to sort out the towering pile of bin bags in the back yard of the Nabootique. Whilst doing so, Vince meets an urban crack addict fox named The Crack Fox, whom he invites into the Nabootique. The Crack Fox then knocks Vince unconscious, and steals Naboo's powerful Shaman juice. Vince lies to Naboo, saying it is Howard who is responsible. Naboo then fires Howard, and is imprisoned by the Board of Shaman to be executed. Vince eventually decides to attempt to save Naboo, meeting Howard, who has taken up his old bin man job again, on the way. Howard and Vince descend to the sewers, discovering the Crack Fox, who has taken some Shaman Juice and wields supernatural power. Howard and Vince recover the Shaman Juice, and are chased through the sewers by the Crack Fox, who is eventually crushed to death by a bin lorry, which is waiting for him at the sewer exit. Howard and Vince then rescue Naboo, and the Board of Shaman celebrate by taking drugs.
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 4: The Strange Tale of the Crack Fox Quotes
Vince:What are they all about?
Howard:They're real people, Vince. Real friends. They don't toss me aside for a silver cape.
Vince: Yeah, I'm sorry about that Howard. You know what I'm like when it comes to clothes. Remember that time I pushed that toddler in front of a Juggernaut cause he was standing on my Top Shop voucher?
Howard: We can't all be models. Can't be in a band, Vince. Some people have to do real jobs. What do you think happens to stocky short people with wide backs?
Vince: I don't know. Do they lie down to sad music and die like the Elephant Man?
Crack Fox : Are you a Prince ?
Vince Noir : I'm not a Prince , but I am called Vince
Crack Fox : Vincey Princey, I did a rhyme..."
Crack Fox : Move my galloshers and take a seat
Vince Noir : They are not really galloshers are they , these are johnnies!!!
Crack Fox : They are my squishy boots...
Crack-Fox: Vincey-Princey!...I did a rhyme...you should have a goblet of wine!
Vince: Its not really a goblet is it, more of a tennis ball cut in half. What is this anyway-vimto?
Crack-Fox: It's blood from a cats face!
Crack-Fox: Bludgeon my face in, kill me, pull me apart like soft bread, punch me in the.....tits. Twist my head clean off, put me to sleep with your kind boots, Mr. Fancey Man!
Crack-Fox: Yeah....thats not the film I meant to show...thats the film for the night-time, for me and the night-times, for the fuzzy tingle times!
Vince: That is disgusting, what is that smell??
Crack-Fox: I'm er done a tummy shame!
Vince: What have you been eating?
Crack-Fox: Head and Shoulders, Toothpaste....and shit, big pieces of shit!
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 5: Party
Vince decides to throw a party in the flat in celebration of Howard's birthday, inviting all his friends, who are seemingly unaware of Howard or the reason for the party, a fact made obvious when his speech is met with a stony silence, and Vince's late and extravagant entrance is met with cheers and clapping. After a short game of spin the bottle downstairs in the Nabootique, which is broken up by Naboo, the wife of Dennis the Head Shaman propositions Vince in the stock room. Dennis soon discovers this and proceeds to vow execution upon Vince. Vince meets Howard, who is sitting on the roof. Dennis then catches up with Vince, who pretends to be in love with Howard by kissing him, which Dennis accepts, and departs. Howard and Vince then fall off the roof and on to Vince's present for Howard: a bouncy castle.
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 5: Quotes
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Ohh such a good time.
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Shoes all in a line.
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Everybody Somersault.
All: Somersault, summertime. Everybody sing along.
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Ohh such a good time.
All: Bouncy, bouncy. White socks slipping down.
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Stilettos are a no-no.
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Ooh!
All: Bouncy, bouncy. Ooh!
All: Every time I bounce I feel I touch the sky.
Vince: Unbelievable! I've never been chucked in my entire life, now I'm being chucked by you!
Howard: Come on you'll meet someone else.
Vince: I'll never love again.(Girl walk outside)
Girl: Hi.
Vince: Hey!
Vince: Hey Howard, forget it. I'm over you.
The Mighty Boosh - Series 3, Episode 6: The Chokes
Vince goes to great lengths to attempt to fit in to a pair of drainpipe trousers, in order to join The Black Tubes, whom have a strict thin-legs policy and are headlining a night at The Velvet Onion, which Vince is also MCing. Howard takes an acting lesson with aged actor Montgomery Flange, in order to cure him of the Chokes; an intense form of stage fright, and to outdo Sammy the Crab in a bid to impress director Jurgen Haabermaaster, who is in the audience on the night at The Velvet Onion. Sammy the Crab proceeds to run amok, after having alcohol and food poured into his tank by the Black Tubes, killing several support acts. Vince phones Howard, who stuns everyone - including Jurgen - with his impressive acting. Vince eventually gets his drainpipes on, at the price of having an exaggeratedly large head, causing him to fall over and thus ruining the gig. It later transpires that Sammy The Crab has replaced him as the frontman of The Black Tubes. Howard returns from working with Jurgen Haabermaaster, dissatisfied with the work he was offered (playing the Angry Crab Of Trapped Wind in a trapped wind commercial), much to the amusement of Naboo, Bollo and Vince.